All the loonies were out today.
There was the lady wanting to close her son's bank account. She had a letter from him, praising our service but saying he didn't use the account so wished it closed. Problem was, the signature on the letter was nothing like the specimen held. Lady was directed to our call centre (using our phone) but she hung up in disgust, protesting that the wait was too long (hell, I can't blame her for that - it's annoying!) but stating that we should close the account anyway.
"My son can't come in himself, he's off in Afghanistan fighting the Taliban," she explained, "and it's not as if he can ring the bank himself; he can't go 'excuse me Mr Taliban I need to call my bank!'" The CSS serving her was feeling rather compassionate, and decided to close the account down (it was, after all, in debit due to fees so she wasn't giving anything away) but the lady chose that moment to state "Well he's only closing the account because of the appalling service he gets at your bank!" In staff's words - "she lost me right there." Staff member handed the letter (which the mother had obviously not read) back over the counter and said sorry, can't help you.
Lady then wanted to see the manager, but manager was dealing with a couple going through a divorce, who wanted to know why we wouldn't allow the wife (living in the matrimonial home) to stop making payments on the loan. After all, it wasn't right to deprive her of her home, was it. Wife had previously been in to see me and I had advised her that she couldn't afford to refinance the loan just on her salary, and she should look at selling the home and buying something more affordable. I also gave her the phone number of our department that handles compassionate cases, but I advised that any solution they provided would only be a short term thing and she'd need to sell the house all the same. Somehow she translated that as "stop making payments" and then wondered why Collections was hounding her....
Meanwhile, another lady rocked up to the counter with a share offer from another bank, and wanted our staff to explain it to her. Staff member explained - over and over - that we could not give her any advice on the matter, and she should ring the number shown on the letter. Staff member recruited a senior staffer to explain further - lady spat the dummy and accused the senior staffer of being racist and aggressive, and stated that she did not want to be served by her. Fine, says senior, here's your paperwork, go join the queue again.
So she did, and she got another staffer, but this time she wanted to transact on her account. She then spun this whole story about her neighbour tapping her phone, even though Telstra told her it wasn't possible, and that her neighbour followed her to the supermarket last week and asked her if she'd like to see his penis."No!" she exclaimed, (sounding like a porno version of Dr Seuss) "I do not want to see your penis!" As she explained to staff, "It's just wrong. I shouldn't have to see his penis if I don't want to." Staffer suggested that she could always point and laugh....
So thems was the joys of my days - much mirth arising, and all taking it in turns to exclaim "I shouldn't have to see his penis!"
Good times, crazy days.