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04 August 2012 @ 08:45 pm
Reach out and strangle someone.  
Why is there always one? One person with whom you don't see eye to eye, one person whom you can't just shrug off and say "well that's their opinion and they're entitled to it"; one person who makes you so fucking angry you want to reach through the interwebs and slap them one.

*sigh* I feel like I'm being reduced to the most basic level when I deal with her. Every single interaction we have leaves me wanting to hit someone. Preferably her. It's reached the point that as soon as I see her name on an email in my inbox I start revving up and you can guarantee that I'll have to fire back at her. I'm sitting on my hands right now, trying not to respond to the latest but it's So. Fucking. Hard.

See, she's the cat fancy equivalent of a BNF. At least in her own mind. And everything she does is the Right Thing, while everyone else does the Wrong Thing. And her organisation is the only one - look, I'm glad she's happy where she is but does she have to keep telling us over and over? Especially galling because when she previously belonged to another organisation, they were the best thing since sliced bread.

And she's so negative! We've had people leave the email group, or at least stop participating, because this lady manages to dump on every idea ever presented. And if you call her on it, all of a sudden she's bleating on facebook that she's the sodding victim and everyone should feel sorry for her. Just yesterday we had a lady get upset, thinking she was being attacked by this BNF and wanting to leave the list; I posted saying that I was sorry she felt she was being attacked and next thing you know, BNF is on FB whinging that she was "jumped on from on high" for disagreeing with the original poster. I guess I should be flattered that she considers me as being "on high"!

But the worst of it is that she drags me down to her level, regardless of how I try to ignore her. And then I feel bad about myself.

So tonight I decided to take the online conversation in a different direction; I asked everyone to pretend that the different feline councils were all getting together for a joint meeting - what would you put on the agenda for that meeting, if you had a chance? Of course this lady had nothing to offer other than all the reasons why one person's wish list wouldn't fly. Grrrr.....

TL/DR: Please take your negativity and shove it.
Current Mood: angryangry
Newsy: idiotsnewsy891 on August 4th, 2012 11:31 am (UTC)
I've had to deal with a few hateful trolls of my own of late. I tried to talk some sense into some of them, was treated to adolescent-style cyber-bullying for my trouble... then realized my error, laughed at their stupidity and blocked the lot!

People don't change their behavior because someone enlightens them. People change their behavior because they choose to - yes, sometimes that choice begins with a choice to take a criticism to heart, but it is still that person's choice to see their behavior as bad, care that it's bad, and change it. My error was choosing to allow myself to be exposed to it. I blocked/unfriended/(choose favorite online stealth-rejection term)'d them because just seeing their names triggered anger and anxiety in me. I've done nothing to earn that; why continue to pile it on myself, when there's plenty of real sources of anger and anxiety to choose from?
miwahni: Random trollmiwahni on August 4th, 2012 01:26 pm (UTC)
why continue to pile it on myself, when there's plenty of real sources of anger and anxiety to choose from?
Very wise advice! I don't want to go that far as I enjoy the list that we both belong to - hell, I started that particular list back in 1998 so I feel rather proprietary about it, even though I handed over ownership in 2006.
But now her mother has waded in with stupid comments. I see that idiocy is hereditary and I don't feel quite as much disdain for the daughter. Obviously she can't help it when it's genetic! *g*
anonpussynamer: computeranonpussynamer on August 4th, 2012 05:31 pm (UTC)
Sometimes the stuff they write would be appropriate for a cheap novel, wouldn't it? 50 Shades of Rubbish, perhaps ... *snigger* (yes, yes, am being awful now - I will go to bed shortly). As you've said, Mummy has joined in with the comments - no doubt she's standing up for the daughter but I think a lot of people are getting tired of it too. Yep, you certainly started the list and my hat's off to you for that ... *hugs*
miwahni: cats sparklemeezermiwahni on August 5th, 2012 10:02 am (UTC)
Did you know that 50 Shades of Rubbish started its life as fanfiction about Edward and Bella from Twilight? (just thought I'd throw that out there).
"Mummy"'s comment made me laugh, she really has no idea.
*hugs* to you too, I know the list is in safe hands now.
Trepkos: Faggottrepkos on August 4th, 2012 03:27 pm (UTC)
Do you ever feel that the actual cats are getting forgotten?!
miwahni: cats showing offmiwahni on August 4th, 2012 03:32 pm (UTC)
It's the old saying - there's more cats out of the ring than in it!
It's all about the egos for a lot of people, TBH.
anonpussynamer: computeranonpussynamer on August 4th, 2012 05:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Reach out and strangle someone.
BNP? I could make something out of that, but realising that my naughty sense of humour may get me in strife, I shall keep that to myself for the moment ... however what I came up with has me grinning ear to ear - and it suits this person perfectly. >;) You have summed it up well here, mate, and as they say - Karma is a bitch. She's copped it from others (according to her), but what's the other side say? Remember when another list turned into a Pit of Vipers *g* ... she was involved in that and was chucked off the list - which she was the co-founder of! All that's under the bridge now but still .....
miwahni: cats meezermiwahni on August 5th, 2012 10:08 am (UTC)
Re: Reach out and strangle someone.
BNF - as in Big Name Fan - someone known throughout fandom, usually because of their skill as an author, or because of their total involvement. Someone who makes a huge contribution, basically. Someone that KR thinks she'd like to be.
I do remember when she was kicked off Auzcats. Then again, a lot of good people were kicked off that list as well which is why I left it. But she asks for it, sometimes. And you have to wonder why anyone is such a perpetual victim; in her case, saying that she has been stabbed in the back so many times yada yada yada - not into victim-blaming but I really question how much of it she brings on herself.
Like our old "friend" the bushpig who was sacked as Under 16s netball coach, kicked off the ten pin bowling squad, banned from church bingo... and on the list goes... how much of that was "OMG people are so mean!" and how much was her being an arsehole.
entropy_house: cat-marianentropy_house on August 4th, 2012 06:59 pm (UTC)
*huggles* Ignoring trolls is SO hard, but it's the only thing that works (unless you have control of the email group and can get her blocked or at least get the list owner/moderator to lay down the law about her negativity spoiling things.)
miwahni: cats Gandalf the grey and whitemiwahni on August 5th, 2012 10:12 am (UTC)
"Ignoring" is my new tactic. NOT responding to her posts any more. (yeah right let's see how long that lasts *g*). I won't ask for her to be blocked or taken to task, though, because one of the founding principles of this list was that everyone was entitled to speak out about anything they liked. Or as the rules say, in part: Free debate is encouraged. If you are bored with the subject, use your Delete key. Those on Digest have a scroll button to use. If you absolutely cannot stand it any longer, phone 13 1114 for assistance. . That phone number, btw, is for Lifeline, a telephone counselling group.
So, instead I come here and vent. And feel a little bit better for it. Thanks for the *huggles*!
entropy_house: cat-marianentropy_house on August 5th, 2012 02:34 pm (UTC)
An alternative strategy to ignoring, when you really are fed up, is to deflect by interacting positively with *someone else* on the list about something that has nothing to do with Troll. (The Troll will probably latch onto THAT too, so you're back to ignoring, but eh, worth a try.)

Also I made an artsy kitty yesterday which might amuse you.

miwahni: Cats Talk to the pawmiwahni on August 6th, 2012 12:15 pm (UTC)
Hmm yeah that's worth a try, too... almost makes me want to go and post there right now so I can see what happens.
Cute kitty!
Strike while the irony is hot: [EMATE] HUGS C'MEREdraycevixen on August 4th, 2012 10:47 pm (UTC)

*squishes you* Congratulations on holding your temper and trying to make something positive happen.
miwahni: Cats Talk to the pawmiwahni on August 5th, 2012 10:17 am (UTC)
*struggles to breathe* LOL thanks for the squishes. Trying to hold my temper, not always easy *g*. My new tactic is to ignore (though I rose to the bait when her mother waded into the conversation).