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miwahni
miwahni
22 June 2013 @ 11:14 pm
I am such a coward.  
A few months back I posted about my cousin who had tracked me down after years and years of not seeing each other, and how I was quite happy to never, ever see him again... since that time he has contacted me twice via facebook, asking about a get-together. Each time I've refused his invitations. Today he rang to tell me that he now lives a LOT closer to me, and my local shopping centre is now his local shopping centre, and he just happened to be there right at that minute and wanted to call in to see me when he'd finished shopping.

Me, being cowardly by nature, said I was off to the Gold Coast so sorry, won't be home. (I am actually going to the Gold Coast but not until tomorrow). And next weekend will be taken up with a cat show, and the following weekend I'll have to check but I'm sure I have something on. After the call I moved my car into my backyard so that it couldn't be seen from the street, and I waited until late afternoon before going to the shops myself.

But this can't continue; I'll have to girl-up and just tell him outright that I'm not interested in pursuing a friendship. Otherwise he's just going to keep calling :-(

***********************************

Trawling the internet tonight and found the oddest item - is this a thing?

Engraved Silver Condom Case. Obviously I am out of touch with the times.
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Strike while the irony is hot: [EMATE] HUGS C'MEREdraycevixen on June 22nd, 2013 03:02 pm (UTC)

That's a difficult situation as women are taught pretty much from the cradle to always be polite, particularly to family. Of course the problem here is that if he were a woman he'd understand what your signals mean but with a bloke there's no guaranteeing he won't just take it at face value.

If you don't have it in you to put him off permanently, keep saying no, keep having reasons to be busy and keep checking who is outside before answering the door. One of my mates who couldn't get her ex-husband to stop dropping by (they didn't have kids) took to keeping shoes and her handbag by the front door so if he showed up she could be "just on the way out to meet X." It took a couple of months but he stopped dropping by.


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miwahni: Pros Ray frownmiwahni on June 25th, 2013 09:42 am (UTC)
I like your mate's idea of keeping shoes and handbag near the door. I've also saved Stephen's number in my phone, so that I can avoid taking his calls. Trouble is, I don't think subtlety is his strong suit so I could just be dragging things out by not being blunt. 'Tis hard, though :-(
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entropy_houseentropy_house on June 22nd, 2013 07:09 pm (UTC)
I strongly suspect that you're going to have to be blunt with Cousin. Doesn't sound as if he's remotely open to the possibility that you simply don't want to have anything to do with him.

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miwahni: Pros Heroesmiwahni on June 25th, 2013 09:44 am (UTC)
Sadly I think you're right. He's already invited me to two other things (via facebook) that I've begged off - one of them was "would you like to do such and such, sometime in the next few months?" My reply was short and sweet - "no thank you" without giving any reason; I thought he'd get the hint there but apparently not :-(
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entropy_houseentropy_house on June 25th, 2013 03:33 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I think being polite just isn't getting through.

Maybe leave off the 'thank you' on the next refusal? Possibly an even blunter 'No.' would sink in?

Risky but maybe 'No, I don't want to socialize with you,' will be what you'll be driven to say.
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Newsy: screamnewsy891 on June 22nd, 2013 10:36 pm (UTC)
This sounds really scary to me - this is the same idiot who's a batterer and has had his kids taken from him by Child Services, yes? I'd be telling him very bluntly not to contact you again, and I'd not hesitate to call on whatever protection the law can give you if he refuses to stop stalking you... because from my perspective, that's exactly what he's doing.

Be careful, be safe and be strong. *hug*
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miwahni: Pros Ray frownmiwahni on June 25th, 2013 09:46 am (UTC)
Yes, it's the same guy. And interestingly, during our (very short!) conversation on Saturday he mentioned that he currently only had his eldest boy with him. I didn't ask where the 13 year old was; my first thought was 1) he's in juvi, followed by 2) Child Services must have taken him again.
I don't know that I'd call it stalking; I think he's just too dumb to realise I'm not interested in pursuing a friendship. :-( But thanks for the concern, and the hug; he does intimidate me a bit!
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