It has a character letting out the breath he didn't realise he was holding.
It has an American character thinking about his mum.
It contains POV changes so severe (mid-paragraph, anyone?) you'd get whiplash just trying to follow them.
It tells rather than shows what the characters are feeling and thinking.
It can stay as it is for now, but when I have time I'll look at fixing it up a bit. At least to the point where it doesn't make me point and mock. *g*