miwahni (miwahni) wrote,
miwahni
miwahni

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I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment. Everything seems to be a real effort, even going to work which I usually enjoy. I feel really flat and out-of-sorts, like everything is just too much trouble to concern myself with. Minor stuff, that usually I could deal with quite easily, is growing to mammoth proportions. I'm obsessing about shit that ordinarily wouldn't bother me.
Those last two sentences say exactly the same thing, only in a different way. What a waste of space. See, now I'm even criticising my own journal whereas normally I don't give a rats' about appearances here. I can't write any fic at present as I've totally lost my enjoyment of the exercise - my journal is the only place I'm currently putting anything down - but I can't motivate myself to do anything else much at all.
In my mind I have a tendency to blame others for the way I'm feeling right now, but I know that I can't hold anyone else accountable. I unsubscribed from an email list yesterday, and I gave myself about ten so-called 'valid' reasons why I shouldn't stay a member, (too many emails daily already! etc) but the truth was that it just made me feel really bad. I need 'happy happy joy joy' right now (was that Ren & Stimpy?) not disagreements and conflict.
I don't like the person I am right now. I don't like feeling this way.
I hope I can shake it off.
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